Today is my first entry for The Sling Diaries Volume IV: Everything Shines
I will be instagramming my posts each month. You can follow me HERE.
Our topic was culture.
I sit on the couch, macbook in hand, browsing Etsy. Over the baby monitor I hear Lola rustling in her sleep. I glance over and think.
"Please no! Don't wake up!"
She settles and quiets herself on her own. It's a loud reminder that she is getting older. A year. So much has happened in a year.
I'm so tired, I just want to pretend for a moment that I have no responsibilities. I look around from where I sit on the couch. Toys, books, my reheated dinner sitting on the table, my editing program open to my next project. I close my eyes and tears start to fill up underneath my eyelids. I open my eyes and the tears escape, racing their way down to my jawline. I wipe them in embarrassment, though there is no one here to be embarrassed for.
In the quiet of the night I feel your absence. Sitting in the midst of our family home, the one we choose together but I picked up the keys for alone. I see your photos up on the walls, the ones I photographed of you holding our girls.
I think back to the phone call I received from you last week.
"How did Ella like the treehouse?Did she freak out? I wish I was there to see her face when you showed her the backyard!"
My sweet husband. Ella and Lola's Daddy. You are away. On a long trip. That's what we tell Ella. Daddy's on a long trip and will be home soon.
Every night when you're home you tuck Ella into bed. I rock Lola and sing the girls "Moon River" and "Bella Donna". You give Ella kisses and say:
"One for the road."Kiss."One just because."Kiss."Eskimo kiss."
The bond you have with Ella is gorgeous. I mean absolutely the most natural, heart stopping, make me fall in love with you all over again kind of gorgeous.
Tears start to well up again.
Lola. You have only had a few months with your daddy this year. Too many months stolen. When he first left, you were not crawling, when he got back you were. When he left again you were not walking, now you are running. I can't wait to watch you run into his arms. To have that bond like Ella does with you. Soon. So soon.
The sweet and calming sounds of our daughters breathing over the baby monitor calms me and brings me to the present. I look at my empty plate, I eat leftovers two nights in a row because I can't seem to not make enough for you. I get up and start washing dishes. Turn off the tv, pick up the toys, lock the doors and turn out the lights. I walk up the stairs and climb into bed, alone. I still sleep on my side of the bed when you're gone.
Our everyday, it isn't glamorous. It's the girls and I doing takeout in our new house before our furniture was in. Its the wandering Target and shopping with my two favorite ladies. It's picking my girls up at the sitters after I photographed a wedding. It's a bunch of waiting. It's a lot of laughter, tears and a whole lot of missing.
Military life.This is my culture.
When I married you I married this lifestyle.For better or for worse.For richer or for poorer.In sickness and in health..
I do.
All photos By: Bonnie Hussey
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